Sir Sly - You Haunt Me
I today thought about diary writing. I once did that and afterwards I hated to read old pages of it because like I do, I felt stupid about myself. With all honest, I wrote yesterday something here to drafts and made a promise to never ever publish it anywhere because everytime I do, I feel stupid and remove it immediately. So now I've been sentimental and thought about writing diary. I've wrote something some days up because I've thought it would help. And I don't remember did it ever help.
I wanna quote myself, though.
" I know I don't publish this anywhere and if I do, I regret it immediately and remove it because I'm scared that no one cares. Or my problem is ridiculous and I know there are bigger problems in the world than mine but these are my problems and even in the scale of the world they are really really really (x10000) small they are big to me and pushes me down like a bomb does to skyscrapers.
I usually keep things inside me because I think my friends and family and everyone thinks I'm pathetic and begging for attention. I don't want attention, I need comfort. I need something to prove my frights wrong. But who would know really? "Also I had thoughts today in work about my stupidy. One thing I thought to say in my diary (or wherever) "I hope they'll find some kind of tumor or damage in my brain so I have proper diagnosis why I'm so stupid and slow to understand simple rules"
This was because everywhere I work I get a lot of notes what I've done wrong and how I should work next time and as many as I get notes, more stupid I feel myself and think that I'm the only one who can't understand so simple things by myself.
Then I felt so sad because I thought that I'd never be Nerdfighter because I'm not smart.
Anyway, this was totally random post now and probably I'll regret this in 20 minutes.
So enjoy this as long it's here.
